When everything sort of goes right…

It's been a busy month for me since I last posted. Both busy and sort of depressing, but at the moment I'm feeling happy.

Let's see what I can remember.

On Australia Day (January 26) I went to one of the Brendan's apartments, had dinner and went to a bar. I don't really like alcohol that much — chilled wine and expensive rum are about the only things I can drink without feeling sick, or a cold beer if the weather is hot. Everything else is a no go pretty much. When I go out with Brendan, he has a habit of buying me drinks, which means expensive rum most of the time. The thing is, I can finish my drinks at a ratio of about two for his one. In the end, I think I ended up drinking about a third more than him, and I wasn't really that drunk: I managed to get my seatbelt on in the cab, and not get hit by cars when crossing the road.

My girlfriend and I (still not entirely used to calling her that) made it to a month on February 6. Unfortunately we hadn't seen each other for about two weeks. A little bit depressing. Things are going well, but in all honesty could be going a lot better. Her grandmother is very creative when it comes to finding ways of keeping us apart. That said, she's pretty good at keeping her under the thumb generally. I decided to push that out of my mind and get on with things and just hope that we find time to be together.

However, the longer it is, the grumpier I get. After two weeks people start noticing. Three weeks and I get pissy. A month is too much. But I'll get back to that.

On February 9 I went to Sydney to meet Martin, a visiting associate professor of cultural studies from Linköping University in Sweden. He was researching Pirate Parties in Sweden, North America, Germany and Australia. He specifically wanted to meet me because he had spoken to Liz when he was in New York. Liz is one of the leaders of the New York Pirate Party who I helped out when they were forming. Her praise led him to be keen to meet me. He took over three hours of recordings, and will hopefully return later in the year after our elections.

And now, back to the girlfriend thing.

We were hoping to spend Valentines Day together. Nothing big or fancy. Just lunch and a film. Predictably, she wasn't able to do this. "No, we have too much work to do here," I imagine her grandmother would have said. I accepted this, obviously disappointed. I could hear her disappointment on the phone too. So, time went on and it looked like the earliest we could see each other was going to be March 1. Six weeks without seeing her? That prospect didn't thrill me. But what could I do? I didn't know what to do.

Then, after Brendan berated me and said we were "behaving like retarded children," I thought I should do something, but what? "If she can't go out," I thought, "then I can go…in?" I realise the potential for innuendo in that thought, but believe me, it was innocent reasoning. "She can't stop me from turning up and saying 'hello' any more than she can stop the postman delivering mail," I figured.

So I bought a card and headed over to their place on Valentines Day, which was almost exactly a month since we had last seen each other.

When I arrived, I called her.

"Hello, Ducky speaking."

"Hey there!"

"Oh, hey! How are you?"

"I'm all right. It's a bit hot and humid today."

"Really? It's actually kind of overcast here."

"Yeah, I guess so. Hey, guess where I am."

"No idea, where are you?"

"Well, I'm looking through some closed gates…"

"Oh?"

"Down a coloured driveway."

"Wait…what?"

"I can see a sign or two…one says ### on it."

(I heard what sounded like a held breath and a sigh)

"………Mozart Olbrycht-Palmer: you are amazing. I'll be right down."

She ran into my arms and I swept her off her feet. Which is a first for me.

It was ironic really. Neither of us wanted to do something big, we weren't going to do anything in the end, and then it ended up surpassing our expectations by a mile. Huzzah!

And last, but not least, I have uni orientation on Monday, and I'll be starting on February 26. Hopefully law doesn't kill me! I'm a little bit nervous about it. 12 hours of classes each week — 4 x 3 hour seminars. Expensive textbooks. This implies exams, and I haven't done a proper exam in over two years!

***

Today's song is: "Walking on Sunshine" by Katriona and the Waves.

What I've been doing the past two weeks

What a crazy two weeks it has been! No seriously. I went quiet for some really really good reasons. So I'm going to share them!

The Girlfriend

So, remember I said that Ducky and I were going on a picnic two Sundays ago? Well, we decided not to because it was too hot. Instead, we finally got to see the Hobbit. But before that, we met up for lunch at this lovely gluten-free café. She had been hinting that she had something on her mind a few weeks beforehand, and I essentially told her to stop hinting and tell me, or wait until she feels it's appropriate. So she told me over lunch.

The thing with me is that I learned a pretty hard lesson about eighteen months ago. It was: don't give your heart to anyone unless they're willing to give you theirs. This is how you avoid getting hurt too badly. I suppose it's become a trust issue for me — I refuse to take my feelings for anyone seriously unless it goes both ways.

So, we admitted to each other that there are feelings there, and we've been together two weeks now. Early days yet — her grandmother doesn't quite approve of us being in a relationship — but we both seem pretty happy about it.

She is an amazing person — intelligent, compassionate, understanding, funny and beautiful.

The Degree

Last Wednesday I finally got my offer to study law! I start in about five weeks, at a completely different campus. It's about the same distance away though. At the moment it looks like I'll be doing two days with two three-hour seminars on both.

I'm pretty nervous about it. Being a first year again is going to be weird. I hope I don't screw this up — it's been a while since I've even done an exam. I suspect I'll have a heck of a lot of work to do. And a heck of a lot of textbooks!

The Political Party

Pirate Party Australia is now a properly registered, official political party. We got the news on Monday and it's been all go since. Phone calls and emails and new members and messages on Twitter. So worn out and tired. Did an interview with ABC News Radio in Darwin.

I'm going to end this here as it's taken me way too long to write this little bit. My head hurts so much.

***

Today's song is: "Time After Time" — the Eva Cassidy version.

Little bit down today…

I'm feeling pretty down this afternoon. Like I just want to go to bed. I'm going a bit crazy from the boredom I think. I don't feel like doing anything much, and I'm also feeling pretty lonely. I'd like someone to talk to, but no one seems to be around. There's family, but I don't have anything to talk to them about, and I don't really feel like what they'd talk to me about is anything I want to hear. My siblings will want me to do stuff for them, Dad will talk to me about obscure musicians I don't really like, and Mum will ask me what I think of something. I want someone to tell me a story that requires no effort on my part, and keeps me entertained. I need a bit of a break from my own mind.

Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

***

Today's song is: "Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder)" by the Beach Boys.

What a week!

My gosh, what a week it has been!  Up and down quite a bit and all over the place.

On Saturday we had a family gathering. When I say "we," I mean that my immediate family attended it. My great-grandfather, Henry Finch, is the patriarch of the family gathering. He had two girls with his first wife (my grandmother and her sister), but had an affair and ended up marrying the woman after divorcing my great-grandmother. They had a further five children. I only know one of them — my great uncle Steve. So there were lots of people I hadn't met or couldn't remember meeting.

My family isn't that great at introducing each other. You basically have to go up to strangers and say who you are. I'm not good at this. What's worse is that my family knows this, and doesn't help. You would think my grandmother would make an effort to solve this problem by taking me around and introducing me. Anyway.

What sucked about the whole thing, however, was this: we were told that the venue to meet in was "Merrylands Park." Merrylands being the suburb of Sydney. Because our car is only a five seater and we have six family members, my brother and I took a train and a bus to the park. We decided not to go hunt people down, and just to wait for the rest of our family to arrive. My great uncle called and gave us directions…and we found there was no one in the place. This was weird. Dad called him and found we were in the wrong park. I almost got blamed for not getting the place right. I showed Dad the map on my phone that had a GPS indicator saying we were in Merrylands Park.

Turns out we weren't meant to be in a place called "Central Gardens," but that the family referred to that as "Merrylands Park," and just forgot to tell us. I got sunburnt and tired and bored.

But that was more than made up for by Sunday. Because it was so hot (+32ºC) Ducky suggested we don't go picknicking. I agreed. So we finally got to see the Hobbit! And it was definitely worth it, in more ways than one. Martin Freeman was perfect for the role of Bilbo in my opinion. It was well adapted, though with some deviations from the novel. The animation of the birds, trolls and goblins was superb, as was the scenery — I totally have to visit New Zealand one day; it's like a cross section of every region on earth.

I also learned during the film just how much louder actions can be when compared to words. But that's something for another time.

Oh, and Ducky gave me a slightly belated Christmas present:

The chocolates were lovely; the sense of humour even more so.

And yesterday it hit about 45ºC. Enough to give me a headache and cause me to take two showers. Thankfully it's cooler today and will be tomorrow…but Friday and Saturday are going to be hell.

***

Today's song is: "Screw it, I got nothing, pick your own song of the day :D"

And So Begins a New Year

It's been about three days since New Year's Eve, and I've managed to keep a journal thus far! :D Okay, so, it's only got two entries, but at least I haven't given up.

I hope everyone had good NYE celebrations. Mine was okay. I'm not really a party person I think. It took me a few drinks to relax enough. I kept thinking that I'd rather be at home. Next year I think I'll stay in with my family. I think too much. I know.

Anyway.

I also didn't manage to get around to seeing the Hobbit either. Ducky had to cancel, and I didn't really feel like seeing it by myself. We would have had to go to a Pirate Party meeting before it, and the public transport was absolutely appalling too. So it was probably not that big a deal that she couldn't make it.

Regardless, we're going on a picnic this Sunday, which, considering it's been two weeks since we've met up in person, gives us a much better chance to catch up than seeing a film.

But I feel as though I'm not being very productive these days. There isn't much in the way of writing or editing work coming through (hey! if anyone reading this needs some done, give me a buzz!) and Party business is also slow. I'm editing Hanis' book, but besides that, I really need to find something to keep me busy.

I'm also not sure when I'll get back to uni. Still waiting on my law application to be considered (should find out within the next two weeks if they've rejected me or not).

I would have mentioned a while ago that I placed a limit on myself: no more full time uni enrolments after 25, unless I can get paid to do it. So basically my preferences are: Law, Teaching, Diploma of Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, and Music Honours.

If I don't get accepted into Law, I'll do teaching, then apply for Law and the Diploma, if I don't get accepted into Law, I'll do the Diploma, and so on.

Wish me luck!

***

Today's song is: "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper.

The opening lines I find very relevant to me. I spend a lot of time thinking about things and people, and it sometimes keeps me awake at night.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new

Post-Christmas recount

I hope everyone had a great Christmas this year. Mine was not great, but not bad. Probably better than last Christmas. I don't think my family does Christmas very well.

Since my great-grandmother was not around for Christmas this year (she passed away in January), we didn't celebrate at our regular place — her house. Instead, we travelled to my grandmother's, which is about 250 KM away. As our family car is a five seater, and we have six members in our family, my brother and I caught the train and coach to her house. It took us just over four hours.

My grandmother, while generally meaning well, does not make me comfortable. I find it difficult to relax around her because she has high expectations of everyone.

We arrived on the 24th. I was tired after the journey and two late nights in a row, so I asked if I could lie down. This seemed to be okay. I found out later that my grandmother said "is that all he does? Sleep?" I found this rude. If she didn't want me to fall asleep, then I need something to do. But I can't do anything in that house because she won't let us touch or do anything. I was so thankful for being able to take the kids to the park.

My sister was putting some sweets in bowls. My grandmother said to put some of each kind in both of the bowls because there wasn't enough space to have separate bowls for the three types. My sister misunderstood and put them in separate bowls. I knew something was wrong, so I went to help her. Unfortunately my grandmother saw. And got cranky. Most people would just shrug things off and gently correct someone. Nope.

And then she made my sister cry the next day, because my brother laid out cutlery and it didn't line up with the chairs. So my sister corrected them. My grandmother found that "very rude" and went off at her. My sister left the room and went outside. When she came back she looked miserable and it was clear she'd been crying. I told my grandmother it wasn't a big deal and we don't need a fuss. I think I should stand up to people like that more often.

This is turning into quite a rant, but I'll keep going. Next day, mum turned up with some teabags from the motel she and dad were staying at. Why? Because when she asked for tea, my grandmother implied there weren't any tea bags the day before. Or something. Yeah, my grandmother found her turning up with teabags to be rude as well.

But generally it was good. I didn't get any presents that were particularly awesome, but I'm not complaining. Heck, I got an expensive computer for my birthday. That's more than enough for me.

My great aunt is American. She's flying over in a week to see my Australian great uncle (they're married, and he's wanting to back there once immigration issues are cleared up). I think I'll have to go back up there for a day or two again. We'll see. I might ask my parents to book me into a motel too, because I think I'd enjoy that more. I would invited a friend to come, but I'm not sure who'd be crazy enough to keep me company in the middle of nowhere.

But they're getting "remarried" (my great uncle and aunt) in Australia. I'm not totally sure how this works, but I'll be attending. Which will be cool. I believe it's in November 2013.

That's about it. I'm glad to be home. I really am.

Tomorrow I'm dragging Ducky to a meeting in Sydney, and then we're going to see the Hobbit. So that can be a belated Christmas present :-)

***

Today's song is: "Lazy Sunday Afternoon" by Small Faces.

Quite a long Saturday

Yesterday was fantastic. Long, but fantastic. I was a bit nervous about meeting Ducky's grandmother, which on reflection was extremely childish. I don't think I've ever met an old person as nice as her. Not a hint of disapproval from the moment we saw each other: no remarks about my long hair and, some might say, "untidy appearance". Just a smile and a warm handshake. I was really amazed that she agreed to drive to the station to pick me up, but it turns out she already knows all about me!

Ducky (who requested I change their name because of psycho parents — or thereabouts. No prizes for figuring out who it is though) and I seem to be developing a routing of meeting up each weekend; taking turns at picking where we go out to. This time it was her turn to pick, and she suggested we go to a wildlife show.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like animals. We've got native animals around our property. But I've always been more concerned with humanity — architecture, human history, philosophy, language, arts — and less so with the natural world. Which I think is good, because Ducky is plenty interested in nature and I am enjoying learning new things about it each time we talk. I guess it's a strong point of our friendship, teaching each other from our different strengths.

So, of course, who am I to turn down an opportunity like that? Particularly as she was given free entry for the three of us. The man who runs the wildlife show, Ravi, lost his cockatoo (which he's had since a child). Guess who found it? Ducky and her grandmother. Therefore, free entry!

So that was really cool. We had a look at some Australian stock horses. The horses were very fine looking animals, but I think we can agree that the riders were a bit naff. I don't know much about horse riding, but the riding wasn't that interesting. She said it wasn't that interesting either.

The birds were amazing though. Owls, galahs, cockatoos (including a massive red tailed cockatoo), and probably the most amazing, a massive wedge-tailed eagle. Now, these birds are big. When you see one flying above, it seriously dwarfs any of the other birds up there with it. But if you ever get to see one up close, it's surreal. It was 38 years old and had survived, with help, being hit by a car. The thing is so heavily built and powerful looking. You can see why eagles are considered symbols of strength and power.

Ravi's cockatoo is a bit of a performer. Ravi asked the audience for a wallet with money in. The cockatoo removed three $50 bills, MediCare card, driver's license, and credit card from the wallet. I'll upload a picture of this as soon as I get it — Ducky and I spent time trying to find a caption for it, and I think we ended up with one quite witty.

Then after that, she asked if I could come back and have a look around their place. Her grandmother said "of course, there is no problem with that!" So I did.

Several glasses of cranberry juice, a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, some German treats and a ham and cheese sandwich later…

Well, let's just say that her grandmother is insanely good at hospitality. I didn't want to impose, but she basically insisted I eat and drink everything she offered.

I met their cockatoo, saw their dam, and their hand-reared swan. And we talked forever. Dad gave me a call, asking when I was coming home. And he offered to drive out to pick me up. It's about an hour each way. But he did. Yes, I love my Dad.

And they got talking.

We left around 2:30 AM.

I don't think I've ever met a nicer pair than Ducky and her grandmother, and I'm very glad that Dad and my brother (who came with him) got along well too.

***

Today's song is: "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney.

Huzzah! An end to hints

So the person who sparked my last post with their secrecy, hinting, and refusal to tell me what's going on, guessed it was sparked by them, and confronted (I don't mean in a bad sense) me about it.

We had a chat and the outcome was positive, I'd say.

They reassured me that they were okay (well, to an extent), and it does not appear to be anything life-threatening to them. It does seem to involve me. Which makes me draw very obvious conclusions, though the accuracy of those might be questionable. I think I've said it before — I dislike conjecture. I like evidence, or conclusions based on concrete evidence. But they've let me know that there is no need to worry and I'll find out what's going on in due time.

They've also told me they'll avoid saying anything that alludes to this. Which I'm very thankful for, because the less I have on my mind, the better I'll sleep. I'm not exaggerating when I say it often takes me more than two hours to actually empty my mind to the point I can sleep. It seems I don't have to worry about this one.

Mission success, perhaps?

Though, as I said, I think I've got things pretty much figured out. Now to wait and see if I'm right! xD

***

Today's song is: "Don't Pass Me By" by the Beatles.

Hints and Dear Diary

Ever had the feeling that someone you know wants to say more than what they actually say? Knowing that someone is withholding something is not fun. I've written about this recently: giving hints that we want to say more than we actually say, but clam up. We want people to uncover our secret, we just don't feel comfortable unless they "get it out of us."

It's not particularly fun to be wracking your brains over what they could be hinting at. It's sad in some ways too: the closer the friend is, logically the more you should be able to trust them. I'll have to change topic to explain something for a moment.

I've had a lot of "best friends" in my life. Moving around a lot and not staying in touch with people has made this change, not by choice unfortunately. I tend to avoid calling people my best friend, because I don't know if that's really a commitment I feel comfortable making. I had to move away from my first best friends (there were two of them) when I changed schools. Then my best friend was in the year below me. I made a new best friend, but I don't think the friendship meant as much to him as I. He got a girlfriend and we drifted apart. Then my next best friend left school as soon as he could (14 and nine months). So since then I've not been too comfortable being best friends with anyone; or at least calling them that. I just have friends. The best one of those changes according to who I am closest to. But I avoid playing favourites and all that stuff. Different people need attention at different times.

But hypothesising I did have a best friend, I would hope I felt comfortable telling them everything. Friendships should allow the sharing of thoughts/feelings/opinions (and so on). It makes me question the quality of my friendship when friends don't appear to feel comfortable telling me things. I think most people can attest that I can keep a secret, and that I don't pry unnecessarily, and that I listen and understand and do not judge. Maybe my perceptions are wrong, but I have noticed a pattern that people tend to want to tell me things because they know I'll listen and understand (cue allusion to famous book and now film).

It seems odd not to be honest with your close friends, particularly if there's something you want to tell them. That said, it's difficult to say some things. Especially things that might damage a friendship. But as I said once before, if something is going to damage a friendship, maybe the friendship wasn't all that great to begin with. We all get nervous though, but we need to consider why we are nervous. Do we lack trust? Confidence? Are we afraid?

I live my life pretty openly. I try to avoid hinting, as I put it, where possible. Sometimes tactfulness is important, but we've gotta ask ourselves sometimes why we aren't just spitting it out. Why we beat around the bush? Is it to be tactful? Or is it because we don't trust? Are we playing a game? Are we hinting on the hope that we'll get hints back about something we want to know?

It's problematic playing guessing games. Hanis will tell you that I'm a control freak in my own special way. I like solid evidence. I like to have cards on the table. I like to at least know what I'm dealing with. If I see a problem, then I want to know more.

She gets depressed from time to time. I like to know the framework of what is going on (possible reason) so that at least I can gauge how serious things are. If it's not serious, I know just to leave her be. Similarly, another friend of mine has girl troubles regularly. I say regularly, because they seem that way. He talks to me about it, when he's comfortable doing so. I avoid prying, because I can tell from what he's said whether it's a big problem or a little problem. If there's no serious problem, then I trust he'll tell me what's up if he needs to talk.

I particularly want to know the "framework" when something involves me. Just so I know what I'm dealing with. This gives me an opportunity to figure out whether I need to do something. If someone is mad at me, I like to know, so that I can avoid them or whatever.

Anyway, that's a lengthy bit.

I'm also planning to start a diary next year. I've always wanted to do so, but I'm going to start doing it on January 1 and go through to December 31. See how long I last!

***

Today's song is: "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick.

Weekend Busy-ness

What a weekend I've had that just passed (or is about to pass anyway)!

On Friday I got my new computer. I've had some teething problems to be completely honest. I'm not as happy as I should be with it.

It's a beautiful machine, and OS X Mountain Lion is a very well tailored operating system. Apple have really delivered a fantastic combination in the new iMac I think.

But I thought that when I upgraded my computer I'd be able to suddenly do so much more. I haven't really stretched its legs, admittedly, but apart from a boost in speed, I haven't really noticed an increase in productivity capacity. I really pushed my old PowerMac to the limit, and it frustrated me at times, and I hope I'm able to really push this one. At the moment, I'm half regretting upgrading.

But then I look at the gorgeous 27" screen and that feeling disappears. So I don't know. Guess just adjusting is the difficult part. I'm also not really able to do much music work on it yet, as I'm still waiting for an adapter so I can get to work on recording. Time will tell. One thing's for sure — I do like having my 5800-track iTunes library open in less than a second.

But I think the joy of getting a new computer was overshadowed by yesterday.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower was an absolutely amazing film. One of the best I've ever seen. The adaptation of the book was near-perfect. I definitely recommend going and seeing it.

Of course, the company was pretty good too. I'm not sure why it is, but whenever Arlene and I grab a moment to talk — online and offline — we talk non-stop. It's really nice to be able to sit with someone and just tell each other stories face-to-face, without a sense of being judged or boring the other person. The attention is nice to be honest. I've never really considered myself an interesting person, and there are only a few people I think who consider me that either, so chatting with someone who isn't trying to cut over the top of you with their own, more interesting story is refreshing. We're going to have to start meeting up a bit earlier because we ran out of conversation time.

But the film was definitely worth seeing, so it was a reasonable compromise. Seriously: GO SEE IT! (I'm looking at you, Hanis).

***

Today's song is a piece of "good music": "Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners.

Huzzah! (or: my new computer arrives today).

So, I'm posting this very early in the morning (just past midnight) because I'm super excited and because I won't get a chance to post again until Saturday night/Sunday.

My new computer arrives tomorrow afternoon! So I'll be playing with that all night. It's generally good to upgrade your computer once every decade: my current computer is just more than three months away from it's tenth birthday. So I'll be figuring out how to fit my 27" iMac on my desk tomorrow afternoon.

After I clean my room. I wasn't expecting it until the 24th...so the place is a bit of a mess. I tried tidying my desk today, and it kind of worked. But I pretty much have to pull everything out and sweep and dust and everything. Dad said he was giving me a new desk, but I don't think it'll actually fit my room. Unless I learn not to sleep. I'm already just a bit too tall to be properly comfortable in my bed. Removing it would solve a lot of problems!

And then on Saturday Arlene and I are going to see the Perks of Being a Wallflower, which I'm also super excited for. The film will be awesome, but so will the company. This is only the second time we've been able to meet up in person. Should probably explain that situation: we both have a mutual friend on Facebook (Brendan), and I think we hijacked one of his statuses by just talking to each other in the comments. She sent me a friend request and we talked fairly regularly. Wanted to meet up; but uni and school made things difficult (naturally), and we finally ended up arranging to go bowling with Brendan and his sister. Realising that neither of us had a hunting knife and planned to stalk and kill the other (always recommend a public place with a friend if you're meeting someone for the first time), the others had to go, so we went and saw Skyfall. Anyway. Now everyone knows who Arlene actually is.

I'll be posting pics and stuff of my new computer on Saturday or Sunday, and a short review of the Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Until next time,
Mozart.

***

Today's song is: "If I Needed Someone" by the Beatles (the greatest band in the world!).

Fate

I asked for a topic to blog about, and I got one. Today I'm going to be writing about fate.

Fate - the idea that things are predetermined - is something I tend to agree with. But I also agree with the concept of free will. Basically I think there are three types of forces that guide our lives:

1. Decisions made and actions taken by us,
2. Decisions made and actions taken by others,
3. Circumstances that simply arise.

Things within our control, things within others' control, and circumstances dictated by nature or God or other non-human entities, are what determine our destinies.

Fate is experienced by (2) and (3) - the things not in our control. Arlene reckons that decisions we make seem guided sometimes, and I agree, but I think when you look at it in hindsight, it allows you to make connections you would have also made had you taken other decisions. The sensation is a result of reflection.

(3) would be the effects of nature generally. A boulder that flattens your car. Bird crap on your hat. Sexuality, attraction. Things that aren't chosen.

So in my opinion, fate exists as a result of things beyond our control.

I think I think about love more than is healthy, because my of my anecdotes seem to revolve around this, so here's another one.

A person agrees to help another person (1). That person appears to reciprocate those feelings in order to get to know the other person (2). There is no attraction (3) and therefore nothing happens (2). That gives the first person an experience, which they then tell to a new friend (1). Opening up to that person strengthens the friendship (1), and the other person understands (2). The two new friends get along famously (2) and have many of the same interests (3). Success.

And that is why I think fate exists, if often overstated. We are directed towards outcomes - in the story above, a healthy friendship and the avoidance of an unhappy relationship, which are results of both our choices, other's choices, and other factors.

Sometimes choices need to be made decisively. A lot of people, myself included, overthink things rather than just grabbing the bull by the horns, biting the bullet, and making a choice. Fate will get you to a certain point, but at that point it's sometimes necessary to just say "screw it" and take a leap of faith.

A no nonsense kind of guy

I think I'm the kind of person that novelists and playwrights would call "no nonsense".

I tend to avoid beating around the bush and get straight to the point where possible. Unless this appears to make another person uncomfortable for no reason. Sometimes the fastest and easiest way to kill a debate or discussion is to just go out with all guns blazing. However, this assumes you are playing the ball and not the player.

So yes, if the other person does not seem to feel uncomfortable, I'll just be direct. I think Brendan (from Modnarama) has been at the receiving end of this a few times. Sometimes it's a good way to catch people off-guard and actually figure out what you want to know. The direct question I think makes people feel more comfortable sometimes: it means you're not really trying that hard to get something out of them. Unless I actually need or really want to know something, I tend to give up if they brush off my straightforwardness. If they don't want to talk about something, then don't force them — unless it actually is something serious.

I think a lot of the time people are too indirect. We leave hints, and trailing statements, and allude to things that are deeper than we are prepared to reveal. Mostly this just leads to everyone playing massive guessing games and never really being happy. Or delaying happiness. You know, the thing where you want someone to know something, but not really? I find I do, or used to do, this a lot actually. Which is ironic. I'm good at beating around the bush when I want to say something, but often don't let others do it. Why leave hints if you don't want someone else to know? It's teasing, and I think we all derive some sort of pleasure from giving little bits of information and making another person guess what's going on.

I used to be like that a lot more than I am now. Now, I don't really leave hints. I learned that keeping your mouth shut is generally best. Probably because I've been bitten many times by letting the cat out of the bag to more people than I should have. Wanting to share a secret is good, but sharing to more than one person can lead to problems.

One of the situations where I've admired the directness is in two friends of mine: Brendan and Elaine (a different Brendan). They've been in a relationship for about five years now. Which is a long time for a high school couple. They've been together since about 15 or 16.

But it started with something as simple as a text message. Elaine texted Brendan and said "I like you" (essentially) and that was pretty much it. So direct and honest.

Obviously there's the risk of a "I don't like you"-type statement back. But anyone who is worth being with will not let that spoil a friendship. If they do let it ruing the friendship, they're not really good friends either, as I found out a year ago. (I'd also like to say that many people think a text, phone call, or Facebook message is a bad thing to do. I tend to disagree, mostly because again, if someone is worth being with, they'll understand nervousness. It's pretty hard to get the guts to be honest with someone that you feel a certain way about them. I suppose that in person or over the phone takes more guts, and therefore is more impressive, but hey…you gotta respect the way people go about things, surely?)

So, moving away from relationships (though they're always a good illustration of things when you think about it), directness I think is a mark of a good friendship. If you can be always straight and open with someone then there's a real winner in the making.

And in other situations, directness is also useful for getting to the bottom of something/anything. Why waste time trying to tease an answer out of someone? Plenty of opportunity for them to put up walls and prevent you. Get straight to the point and you'll often get more out of someone than you expected.

Brendan (the Elaine one) was at a meeting and asked someone a question. They answered honestly. And then they realised who he was, and that they weren't meant to say that.

Which, you know, just goes to show that putting your cards on the table can get you further than you expect.

Secrets

I often refer to Hanis as my "diary that talks back." I pretty much tell her everything because there's very little risk that anything I tell her could come back to bite me. Whacky ideas, crazy thoughts, secrets that I need to share with someone.

Funnily enough I was talking to someone else about secrets last night, and then I watched a film about secrets! They mentioned an actor, and I realised I had a film with that actor in, which I hadn't seen for a while, and I thought I'd watch it.

Being on uni break has given me a pretty good opportunity to explore new and revisit old books and films, and it seems like there have been some pretty strong themes that have resonated with me. I'm going to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which will no doubt have something that resonates also. I wrote a post or two ago about Thirteen Reasons Why and my thoughts on it.

So, the film I watched was called In My Father's Den. It's a New Zealand film starring Matthew MacFadyen, and based on a novel of the same name. It's a non-linear drama/mystery.

I'll try to outline the basic plot, but first, it's important to understand the relationships between the characters. This will spoil it, perhaps. But meh. Skip until the next set of *** if you want to check it out yourself.

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Jeff — father of Paul and Andrew (with Iris), father of Celia (affair with Jackie), dies at start of film.

Iris — mother of Paul and Andrew. Committed suicide after witnessing Jeff's affair. Deeply religious.

Paul — former boyfriend of Jackie. Left home after his mother's suicide.

Andrew — married Penny as a replacement for his mother, father of Jonathan.

Penny — husband of Andrew. deeply religious, mother of Jonathan, accidentally kills Celia.

Jonathan — in love with Celia.

Celia — extramarital daughter of Jeff and Jackie, half-sister of Paul and Andrew.

Jackie — former girlfriend of Paul, mother of Celia, in a relationship with Gareth.

Gareth — sleazy boyfriend of Jackie.

So quite a complex set of relationships.

Paul arrives home for his father's funeral and meets Andrew's family. He also meets Celia, and becomes a substitute teacher at her school. Celia is about 18 years younger than he is. He doesn't realise that Celia is the daughter of Jeff and Jackie until later. It is revealed that Paul's mother killed herself because of her husband's affair. Jonathan takes candid photographs of Celia, because he is in love with her, not realising she is his half-aunt. Andrew confiscates the photos and camera when he discovers them, and hides them in his desk. Penny finds them and thinks Andrew is having an affair. She kills Celia when Andrew is about to reveal Celia's family ties to Celia. It was an overreaction, and she didn't mean to.

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I think what the film explores is the notion of harmful secrets. The seen and the unseen, in a similar way to Othello, funnily enough. In Othello, Othello kills his wife for having an affair. But it's really Iago pulling the strings, and twisting circumstance to produce certain results to get revenge.

This is much the same: had Jeff not been having an affair, Iris wouldn't have killed herself. Had Jackie been honest about Celia, Paul wouldn't have been a suspect in her death. Had Andrew been honest with Penny and Jonathan about the photos, Celia wouldn't have died.

Secrets can be harmful when they affect many people. Sometimes it's best to have things out in the open.

Still waiting and other bits and pieces

Still waiting for my new computer — I got some cables and software I ordered at the same time the other day. It's really annoying having all the bits that go with a new computer _before_ the new computer actually arrives. It's even worse when you've still got two weeks left to wait.

What's going to be even more of a pain is that it delivers between the 21st and 27th. I'm hoping it's on the 27th to be honest. I'll be about 300 KMs away from home over Christmas…which means I won't get much time to play with my new toy before I have to leave. And of course, if it arrives on the 24th, I won't be home to collect it. So I'll have to call the delivery company and organise alternative arrangements or something. Hopefully my desk is large and strong enough to support everything I plan to put on it!

I've just finished a very lengthy submission to the Australian Law Reform Commission on copyright reform — nothing like churning out 20+ pages in less than a week! When I say "just," I mean it was last Friday. But who's counting?

But what I'm really excited for is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I read the book (at Hanis' suggestion of course!) and absolutely loved it. But the film is out, and assuming it's still in the cinema next Saturday (it should be), Arlene and I are going to go see it. If anyone reading this has already seen it, comment and tell me how good (or bad) it was. The trailer made it look fantastic.

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Today's song is: "Tonight It's You" by Cheap Trick.